how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
