I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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