listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
