Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
