dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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