I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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