Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
