I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
