Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
