i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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