Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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