All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
