Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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