Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
