i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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