He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
