The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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