You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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