If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
