So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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