last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
