guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
