Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
