Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
