new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
