So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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