Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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