I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
