If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
