There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
