Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to calm my uterus...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
