I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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