Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
