It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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