We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
