Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
