i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
