he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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