We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
