Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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