if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
