After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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