i think i have herpe
just one?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
