NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
