RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
