We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
