i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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