Dual....:-)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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