just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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