So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
