I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
