Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
