It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
