hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
