I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
