You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
