My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
