What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
