ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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