Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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