a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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