This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
