Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
