If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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