i would punch a child for taco bell
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
