a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
