nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
