My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
