I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
