he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
