i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you would pick up someone in the library
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
