I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
