oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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