Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
