We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
