I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
