when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My balls are so social today.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
