is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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