oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
