i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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