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tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
