I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
